9 Ways Sex Changes in Your Thirties

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It just keeps getting better.

1. You’re not out to prove something all the time. You’re not showing up to the bedroom constantly stressing about peak-performance sex. Whether it’s because your sex life is consistent with the same person or you’ve had more partners and feel more confident, there’s just less pressure. You still have that “give it 100% and leave it all on the mattress” sex, but there’s room for times when you just bang one out in between episodes of whatever you’re binge-watching. And if you both don’t finish, so what? It’ll even out in the end and you’ll get yours. It’s basically the same rules as that one friend where you’re always paying for each other’s lunches and not keeping track. Except with orgasms instead of food.

2. You might have fewer partners, or even just one. Statistically, since most Americans get married in their late twenties, by your thirties you’re likely to be in a committed partnership. Maybe you’re married, or engaged, or at least in a pretty long-term relationship. Or maybe not! There will always be exceptions for people who don’t want to be monogamous, have an open relationship, or just haven’t met the right person. And it’s not that it’s better or worse having sex with the same person, it’s just that it’s very, very different from the days when you’d get drunk and suck everyone’s face in college just because you could.

3. You can discover a lot of new things. With age and more partners, there’s a lot of time for self-discovery and exposure to new things. What that means is obviously different for everyone. For some couples, it means finding out you’re into fur suits and strap-ons. For other couples, it just means trying doggy-style once a week.

4. You learn how to communicate. Obviously, you’d want everyone having sex from day one to be able to say what they’re thinking and feeling, but it’s a learned skill that improves over time. In your thirties, you know what you like and what you don’t. If you’re in a long term relationship, you know how to turn each other on and how to finish each other off. Pessimists might see that as “repetitive,” but optimists see it as efficient.

5. You know your own body better. It’s also much, much easier to just rub one out on your own or with the help of a partner. You not only know the best position, but the correct angle it takes to get you off. It’s very handy when you’re having morning sex and realize you’re late for work.

6. It’s a lot more about quality over quantity. Sex in your thirties is great, no matter if you’re single or married. But you tend to slow down a bit. You get busy. You have careers. Your weekends fill up. There isn’t as much time to fool around as there used to be.

7. Baby-making might become part of the process. By the time you hit your thirties, lots of people are having sex with the specific intent to have kids… on purpose. Having to have sex RIGHT NOW because the ovulation calendar says so is a lot different than having sex because you want to.

8. You learn how to have sex while really tired. Seriously, when you’re well into your 30s you’re tired. You’re working a real career at this point and putting time and effort into your job. You’re maybe raising kids. And sleeping six hours a night. Mastering the art of lazy, low-effort sex is key. Not that you have to have sex like that all the time, but it’s just a good skill to have.

9. You realize your sex life has highs and lows. There are spans of time when you’re both just too exhausted (like with a newborn baby) and times when you go through a sexual reawakening and have the best sex ever. You’ve been around long enough at this point to know that it’s a cycle.